


pick a star (and follow the light)

by biochemprincess



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Gen, Post - 3x02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-12
Updated: 2015-10-12
Packaged: 2018-04-26 02:22:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4986406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/biochemprincess/pseuds/biochemprincess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>About May and two phone calls - The one she gets and the one she makes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	pick a star (and follow the light)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sleeplessmiles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleeplessmiles/gifts).



> For Sarah, because she'd probably sell her soul for a phone call. But let's be honest: who wouldn't?  
> Title from the lyrics of 'The Call' by Regina Spektor, slightly changed.

* * *

 

_i._

 

She's nowhere near ready for the call, but at the same time it's all she's been waiting for. When the display lights up with Andrew's name, she still hesitates.

In those short seconds, between pushing the button and lifting the phone to her ear, she prepares for the worst. She knows how to do it by now, packing all of her emotions away, into boxes and urns where they won't bother her, so whatever happens won't break her.

During the last months she has told herself that whatever happens, happens. Has told herself, that she is ready for the inevitable outcome, for every possible scenario.

But it's a lie, a big fat lie. Losing one of your own is nothing you can prepare yourself for. It's not something you can learn. It nothing you'll ever be ready for.

Losing one of your own is part of you dying with them, with the pain rising in your chest until you burst open, messy edges and sharp shrapnel everywhere.

Andrew comes to the point immediately and while she hears all he's saying, there are only a few words that stick.

_Miracle - Jemma - back - okay._

The ghost of a smile appears on her face and she allows the surge of joy to wash over her. Her beats to the rhythm of Andrew's words.

_"Simmons is back. She is okay."_

Truth be told, May hasn't thought she would be able to say this sentence ever again. Sure, she has hoped, every day, without fail.  But hope and reality are two very different things, who not always going hand in hand.

There is only so much hope a person can have.

But the same can be said about Simmons. There is only so much a person can survive. And Jemma has proved her wrong once again. Her endurance is stronger than a plain rock.

Hunter's reaction is like seeing her own feelings acted out. He's so full of joy and relief, the same way her whole inside feels. A heavy weight has been lifted from her shoulders, her heart, been replaced by gratitude and relief.

"Come on, beers? Let's get a beer on it! Come on, May! Smile for once in your life."

So she does.

Hunter returns quickly with a six pack in his hands and passes her one bottle along. "This calls for a celebratory drink."

She almost asks ' _What doesn't in your eyes_ ', but keeps it to herself. Because he is right. If there's anything that deserves to be celebrated it's Jemma's return.

_Home._

She's finally home.

"To Simmons." Hunter raises his bottle for a toast and May follows. "Shall she never leave again."

 _She won't,_ May thinks to herself. _At least not against her will._

"I can't believe Fitz brought your girl home."

The smile vanishes from her face immediately. His words have the same effect as a bucket of ice cold water over her head. May levels him with a dark glance, trying to figure out what came over him to

Lance shrugs and only takes as sip from his beer bottle. "You might think I'm dumb or unobservant ---"

"I don't ---"

But he raises his hand to signal her to stop and let him speak.

"I don't mind. Really. Just putting it out there that I'm not. I notice things and I noticed --- The kids all have somebody who looks out for them. Daisy has Coulson. Bobbi has this huge soft spot the size of China for Fitz. Maybe because of what happened to her little brother, but probably just because Fitz is simply Fitz. And they all have you, of course. But Simmons --- well, Simmons is yours."

She wants to disagree, tell him he's wrong, but she can't.

Because he isn't.

"Didn't do a good job at keeping her safe then."

"Yeah, because her being swallowed by an alien rock is all your fault."

_Yes._

Hunter puts the half - empty bottle away and stares at her with a sober look. "You know, that's the reason I think she's yours."

 

* * *

 

_ii._

 

The night's been long, filled with necessary preparations and pre - mission adrenaline, the fact that it's an unofficial one only a minor detail. Hunter is curled in a ball in a corner, catching up on the sleep he's going to lose during the next few weeks. May is too tensed to even try it.

Her mind is racing and before she knows what she is doing she has her phone in her hands and Bobbi's number dialed. Despite the early morning hour, she hopes that somebody is going to pick up.

"Your timing is excellent. She's awake." Bobbi says warmly, skipping the greeting entirely.

"How is she?"

"Alive." Something inside her gut tightens. May has heard those very words before, under different circumstances, not so different at all and the memory still haunts her in her dreams. "You should ask her yourself."

The phone is passed along to somebody else and a male voice - Fitz - whispers her name, in explanation probably.

Then she hears Simmons' soft, yet accelerated breathing and the curl of dread loosens.

"Are you alright?"

Silence. There's nothing, but the static noise from the line. May thinks faster, tries to remember how hard it was for her to form meaningful answers after --- Afterwards.

Because this is Simmons' life now too.

Divided into Before and After.

Again.

Before and After the Chitauri Virus.

Before and After the Med Pod.

Before and After the Rock.

"Are you physically hurt?" She rephrases the question, in the hope that maybe it's specific enough to give an answer to.

"No." It's quiet, almost inaudible. A voice unused for too long.

Another wave of relief hits her. It's different to hear it in person than from somebody else. "Good."

May wants to tell her so many things, but none of them are what she needs to hear. She wants to say how everything's going to be okay for her again. But she can't. Because she knows it's not gonna be so easy and she won't lie to her.

The girl naive enough to shoot and forget the body is gone and she'll never return.

 _I'm glad you're back. I'm glad you're okay. It will be well._ All those words die on her lips, the taste of ashes on her tongue.

"I'm in your corner, Jemma. No matter what. And so is the team. If you ever need to find your way home, we'll light the way. Do you understand?"

The static noise returns, mixed with soft sobs. "Yes." Jemma whispers, obviously through tears. "I know."

Silence stretches between them, but it's neither uncomfortable nor filled with unsaid things.

"Could you ---" She starts and May waits for her to finish, holding her breath, not interrupting, not missing a single beat. "--- just talk? Slowly. So I can listen."

"Of course."

Words don't come easy, because she has no idea what Jemma would like to hear after such a long time. May doesn't know what to say, because talking is something she's not good. But at the moment, neither is Jemma.

"New Horizons sent pictures of the surface of Pluto. It has a heart." She says, and immediately regrets it. The girl just came back from a foreign planet, she doesn't need to hear anything about any others. But then May hears a sound that might be a faint chuckle, something that might be interest. 

She realizes that the scientist deep within her has survived.

She realizes the scientist might be _the reason_ she has survived.

With every topic May starts, Jemma's breath slows down. She doesn't say another word throughout their whole conversation, but it doesn't matter. May has forced herself to be the listener for years, she can take the other part for once.

The night ends slowly and when the dawn breaks, May can hear the gentlest "Thank you".

"Always."

 _It's gonna be alright,_ she thinks.

She will do anything in her power to ensure it.

 

* * *

 

 

 


End file.
